Oct. 16, 2016
It’s normal to feel angry when your partner lies to you about how much he or she had to drink or if they've taken drugs.
It’s normal to feel angry after your loved one promised you they'll stop and then you find out they've started his or her bad habits again.
It’s normal to feel angry even after your partner is sober at all the pain and distrust you’re still trying to work though.
Instead of beating yourself up about it or - even worse - letting your anger eat away at you, here are three helpful tips on how to deal with your anger.
Put yourself in time out.
I know one mom who used to hide herself under a blanket. She had little kids, so she couldn’t leave the room, but she would just go into her own little world under a blanket and take deep breaths. She would read her Bible or listen to music or pray.
Whatever it takes, do it. I used to walk away and lock myself in the bathroom. If I could, I would draw a warm bubble bath, put on some good music, and think about all the wonderful things I’m grateful for. I refused to let this disease bring me down.
Let him or her have the last word and “think” that they've won. If he or she starts giving you excuses or blaming you and you can’t walk away, just keep your mouth shut.
You can’t argue with them when he or she is the only one doing the talking.
Think of something else while your loved one is unloading. Don’t take ownership of any of it.
Even if there is some truth to what they're saying, in order for you to listen, your partner needs to be kind and respectful in their words and tone. Anything less should be ignored. Repeat in your head, "I’m giving this back to you. I’m not owning this."
Take 15 minutes and make a music playlist for when you feel angry.
It should be filled with your favorite soothing music.
Spend $10 on yourself and purchase a few new songs. (If you have a hard time spending money on yourself maybe this will help: $10 is the cost of three beers.)
The goal of this playlist is to bring you back down to your vulnerable place. Because behind all anger is sadness.
You’re sad, my sweet friend. You’re hurting. Be compassionate with your loving heart and let yourself be sad.
When you create a safe space to feel your sadness, your heart will soften and your tenderness will come back. You will know that God has not left you. He’s right there with you.
Did you find this helpful? If so, check out the Love Over Addiction program. You will find help, answers, and hope just for women who love a good man that drinks too much or suffers from substance abuse. I hope you'll join me.
