Dear Son,

You’ll Be Better Because of Me, Not In Spite Of | Ep 65 #fatherhood #legacy #parenting

May 11, 2023

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Dear Son, you will be better because of me, not in spite of me.  A common sentiment amongst parents is the desire to provide a better experience to their children than what they had as a child. Every generation should be greater than the previous one, I agree. Sometimes we need to assess the source of our motivation to do or be better in life. In my opinion, anytime success is rooted in resentment, that’s a dangerous place to operate. Revenge parenting goes both ways. 

As a child I vowed to do many things very differently when I became a parent, and I had (have) great parents. The challenge is that I didn’t understand the full context of what they were going through as parents to appreciate the life that I was afforded. When I became a parent, I did indeed do things differently. The error in that approach is that I didn’t necessarily consider whether the approach was best for my children. In essence, the spite that I carried from my childhood gripes influenced my parenting approach. I can only imagine how parents that were abused or mistreated as children develop an obsession with being a great parent just to show their parents that they became great humans, despite their childhood experience. 

Erring on the side of caution feels like the right thing to do. I’m not arguing that. However, we must be mindful of what our children need to thrive in life instead of making them lead characters in our stage play of Revenge Parenting. Give this some intentional thought; it’s a precaution, not an attack.  

We learned quite about ourselves during this dialogue, and that’s typical. Hopefully, a point or two will prompt you to evaluate the revenge parenting tendencies displayed in your home. We highly recommend that you consume the entire episode for the best results. Also, meet us in the comments or tag us with your opinion on social media via the links below. As always, we welcome your perspective. It takes a village. 

#daddyissues #accountable #blackfathers #fatherandson #parentingtips #betterparents #vulnerable 

Four takeaways from this discussion:

1.     Discuss your struggles with your children, even the ones you believe they didn’t see. Be sure to convey how you overcame them or how you’re working through them.

2.     Reinforce the importance of communication and be the example of how to do it effectively. 

3.     Ask your children if they see you improving as a parent (and as a person).

4.     Ask your children if they understand and feel prepared to carry on the family legacy.

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