Thank you for this. I guess this Podcast has been on here for some time, but I just discovered and listened to it. It is one with you, Anderson Cooper, and Stephen Colbert discussing grief.
In March 2024, my husband, age 79, was at the end of a two-year battle with two different cancers. California is one of seventeen states that has legalized end-of-life assisted suicide. My husband filed the paper work, secured three doctors’ affirmation that he was in his final six months of life and obtained the three-drug cocktail to end his life. He chose his day, let his family know, was surrounded by love and support and died. We carry on.
While I think many (not all) marriages are characterized by being glorified roommates, my husband of 56 years and I were passionately and deeply in love with one another. We told each other every day how much we loved each other and how much we enjoyed just being together. We held hands on every morning walk and sitting together to watch TV in the evenings and in bed at night. His loss was deep and profound.
I am finding in the months since losing him, the benefit of differentiating all the feelings I have to confront and cope with. I am I saddened by, but accepting of, the realization that my friends, even though dear and sincere, are social friends, and not people whose shoulders I can cry on.
I am seeing the difference between depression, that I have faced for a few days and overcome, and sadness. That, although I would love someone to talk to and share with, on occasion, I am quite introverted and content to be alone, with no need to fill the space my husband left behind. Missing this man and sadness are now my constant companions. That is the reality of loss — at least the reality of my loss.