Anderson I was so happy to listen to this podcast. I have been in such a dark/happy place since my mom has passed 5 years ago. Since I was a young child all my family was leaving my life so quickly. I lost my niece to Leukemia at the age of 4 some 50 years ago. She was such a beautiful angel. It was my mom’s first grandchild. Since that first death for me at the age of 9 or 10 it just seemed as a whirlwind hit my family with more cancer. I lost my dad some years before that to alcoholism then my niece then some aunts and uncles then it died down and started up again.
I lost my first brother to lung cancer then my older brother to diabetes complications then my last brother to cancer. Within the time of losing my last brother I had cancer and beat my battle. I thought my mom will loose her mind. We were so close. I felt as though “how could I be another one of her children with cancer and cause her more pain”.
I was the baby of six and we did everything together. I felt so bad having to tell her another one of your children has cancer again. I watched my mom loose ten years of her life after putting her children and granddaughter into the ground.
Again, “I thought it was over”, NOPE, after my mom went through all the pain and suffering from losing her children she ended up with Multiple Myeloma at the age of 80.
I was so devastated and angry because I thought she would never get cancer. Well it ripped her body apart.
I stayed with her everyday and took care of her until the end. She lasted a good year but she suffered and hated going to dialysis. The cancer destroyed her liver and at times she would just fall down because the myeloma just ate away at her bones. After her death just me and my 2 sisters were left. Yes, mom had the Brady Bunch 3 girls and 3 boys.
Well one of my sisters also ended up with lung cancer and it metastasized very quick. It went to her brain, her bones and all over her body. At this point mom was only gone 3 years before I got hit again with another family member suffering through cancer. This was the sister who daughter’s died from leukemia. So she was still grieving and never had anymore children.
Her death was awful, miserable, painful overwhelming and just down right hideous. I had no more tears. I did not attend her’s or my mom funeral I could not do it anymore. I became so numb. I just wanted to kill every letter that cancer was made up of.
The darkness turns to light at times. I speak to my mom everyday and night. We pray together, we smile, I laugh and I always ask “hey mom, I wonder what you are doing up there?” She has given me so many signs to let me know it will be alright. She lets me know to try to push past losing her because it is part of life and to keep the FAITH and lean on God.
Anderson this not easy but I have to tell you listening to you and Stephen helped me through another day.
Stephen said something so important, that It is a gift to lose someone!!! It really is because I had my mom for 53 years of my life and I always vowed to take care of her like she took care of me.
When I tell you close, we were as close as a doorknob to the hole of the door it would be put into, close as seed in a cherry, sweet as a watermelon and love that God wanted the world to have for everyone but we had the LOVE that Gos gifted to us.
I still suffer at times and there is no limit to anyones suffering. I’m learning how to turn it into happy moments. I have a lot of memories and some voice recordings that are so special.
Anderson, I often wonder is it easier to loose a parent as a child or an adult? I don’t think either one is easier but I feel the later is much harder because I feel like she had more wisdom to give me.
Anderson PLEASE know and understand this podcast was very helpful for me.
Each day my darkness gets lighter. Each day the FAITH my mom had in GOD brings me so much more closer to him. God has helped me and guided this tfar and I know he will continue to bring me further.
I want to write a book about my cancer encounters because not only did I loose my immediate family to this horrible disease I have lost aunts and uncles in between losing my own.
I am 13 years cancer free as of this date and I plan on staying this way forever. May God bless you and hold you tight through your grieving process.
Thank you. Priscilla