Reviews For Can I tell you a secret?

Matthew is someone who hurt over 60 people but more attention is given to his recovery than to the recovery of his victims. The emotional and financial abuse he inflicted is downplayed in favor of solving his problems and blaming a system that didn’t provide enough oversight for people with stalking tendencies. In addition to manipulating his mother, he managed to manipulate the podcast creators into forgetting the people he substantially harmed.

Sirin is a wonderful interviewer and so very patient with Donna who is the most frustrating human I’ve ever listened to. Donna should be prosecuted for enabling her vindictive child and placing blame on victims. Matthew is an awful person who victimized hundreds of people for his own selfish needs Donna. The victim blaming by so many people in this story is infuriating. I’m so glad Matthew was sent to jail, finally. When Donna said she felt that victims should be more “subdued” during sentencing I wanted to put her through what her son put his victims through and then see how she responded. What. An. Awful. Selfish. Woman.

Way too much misinformation about autism from non-autistic people. This series could have been so much more insightful and effective with more collaboration with autistic people who have expertise and experience in the specific issues at hand. Talking to autistic people who have themselves experienced stalking or who work as advocates for victims of stalking/SA/DV would have given much needed perspective. We would never excuse his behavior the way his mother did and ultimately the infantilization of autistic people pervading this series harms autistic people and stalking victims alike.

This series grabbed me from the very beginning - Matthew Hardy’s actions against so many women and their friends, employers and families were insidious and devastating. While I understand that he was bullied in school and has special needs, it doesn’t excuse what he did to destroy these womens’ lives. So many horrible things can be done and said to others on social media, this scenario could easily happen to anyone. Absolutely horrifying.

This was unexpectedly gripping, but I was so angry on the victim's behalf! The leniency shown to the culprit was astonishing.

Really well done, but I can’t help but feel that in pursuit of being “polite” or overly “understanding” of every side, the actual hard lines that CAN be drawn were overly blurred. Yes, look at every perspective and try to understand them- but understanding also means understanding when someone is wrong. Truth doesn’t lie in the exact middle between two people’s opinions. I wish some cold, hard facts were better established, especially by the “experts”. Firstly, Autism has literally NOTHING to do with a lack of empathy, in fact many people with autism have hyper-empathy, which is why they can become overstimulated by certain types of human interaction. Autism is primarily a sensory and information processing “disorder”- basically the brain is HIGHLY sensitive to certain types of stimuli, whether external or internal, and while it can result in easy overstimulation, it ALSO often results in incredibly high intelligence and lateral thinking. IF Matthew did not, in fact, “know what he was doing” (highly doubtful), it would have likely been more a result of his learning disabilities rather than ASD. While ASD can sometimes lead to inadvertent harm, it RARELY results in (or is the driving force behind) malice. That said… after hearing his mother’s interview, I think it’s quite obvious where at least some of his issues are stemming from. At least what factors allowed them to grow. Donna does nothing but victim blame (while adeptly pretending not to) and make excuses for her own son. She demands empathy for him but can’t seem to muster up even a meager pinch of it for his victims. She pretends to acknowledge the hurt he’s caused but once you get past her surface level, practiced statements, it’s clear she thinks of her son as a victim of everything and everyone else around him. *Including his actual victims.* INFURIATING. She raised a man with learning disabilities to be an entitled self-victimizer… and then acts surprised when he turns his rage on the women she blames for becoming targets by…. Having and sharing their happy lives with others? Give me a break. Overall well done by the Guardian team… I just hope the next one has a little bit more “bite” to it.

Dear lord. I had to skip past Matt’s mum as her interview is revolting on multiple levels.

His mom is in denial and continually minimizes her sons culpability while at the same time victim blames the woman he has harassed. I with the host would have pushed his mother harder but it’s well balanced.

HUGE problem. Paying his bills - he doesn’t have to hold down a job. Blaming his autism. She doesn’t get it, no matter how many times she claims to.

Wow. She is a huge part of the problem

Listening to what happened to those people was so sad. It was good research but the woman telling the story would say a word then wait 3 seconds before saying another; it was so strange. Never heard a narration like that before - almost like she forgot what she was going to say?? Or maybe bad editing? I had to stop listening on episode 4. Too hard to listen to that type of narration

I already reviewed this on the Guardian daily podcast but basically- top stuff! Hope you can review Matthew in future and follow up on the story a few years down the line, when he gets out.

Both sides of a difficult and controversial subject were well handled by the reporters. Definitely a story that speaks to the current society and a topic that needs to be in the news more often. Also easy to listen to.

I’ve heard three episodes and can’t wait to hear more. I listen to a variety of podcasts. This is the most enthralling one I’ve ever heard. I hope there will be more like it!

I got through episode 4, they were interesting- I’m in USA & very similar problems. Ep. 5 offensive as the mom of young man w/ASD! Matthew’s mom saying people shouldn’t post certain things online is the same thing as saying women that got raped shouldn’t have worn a short skirt! Just because she’s had a bit of vandalism doesn’t mean she’s had any idea how many victims there were or what they went through! Shameful! Autistic people come in all types of people just like everyone else.

Learning about internet trolls/stalking and how it impacts victims is timely and important. As the mother of two autistic sons, of course it is hard to listen to the perpetrators mother. My sons would would never victimize others the way this man has. I don’t see his autism as having played a part in what he did. I think his lack of social maturity may have, but he acted with intent and planning and malice. He knew what he was doing. His mother missed a lot of red flags, clearly failed to get him the help he needed, maybe ignored how big the problem was, given how she blamed her sons victims, rather than trying to understand how her son impacted their lives. I do think the podcast giving her and autism a lot of “airtime” was important, however. They sat back and let the mother speak, thus firmly illustrating part of the problem. In her perspective, we are able to see where we go wrong as a society. She verbalized, herself, how and where we go wrong. She IS part of that problem, with her victim blaming and archaic views of social media. Our collective inability to take victims of internet abuse seriously is a problem. The irony of her security concerns juxtaposed against the interviewers questions about how his victims were made to feel unsafe was particularly interesting. Hopefully this podcast will open up some eyes. Good job.

This was a good presentation. It’s hard for me to feel sympathy for the perpetrator because even though you understand he has trauma and autism, he does seem to know exactly what he was doing, though he may not have truly understood the real impact or depth until he was locked up. Which is unfortunate. Someone failed him by not trying to make him understand “listen son you’ve been arrested a dozen plus times eventually this is going to end badly.” However, and this will be an unpopular opinion and I’m truly not trying to victim blame, HOWEVER having grown up with social media coming into existence, we were constantly told not to talk to people we don’t know. And I am aware kids and teens do that online anyway but if you don’t know someone, do not talk to them! When they tell you they know intimate details about your life, you block them. That is a stranger! Even if they are telling the truth - and 99% positive they are not - you cannot trust a random stranger over the internet to tell you something. You don’t know WHO that person actually is! Does no one learn about “stranger danger” anymore??

This story was good, but of course incredibly frustrating. It’s no wonder he did what he did after listening to his victim blaming, ignorant mother try to play victim. I think this podcast actually focused too much on the autism, seemingly bc they were so afraid of further stigmatization, but there are tons of people who have autism and suffer from trauma that don’t go on to destroy lives. I really wish they had done more in the podcast to interview psychologists who study stalkers as a whole, what to look out for, what to do when you think you’re being stalked, how the perpetrators think, and how to potentially avoid provoking them further if that’s even a possibility. I also think it would’ve been interesting to hear from an expert on why his mom (as I’ve seen other parents to children with disabilities who go on to commit crimes) refuse to actually see what their child has done and hold them accountable. He didn’t have a job. He didn’t go to school. Yet she continued to pay for his Wi-Fi and his own flat even when she knew he was harassing hundreds of people. If he was smart enough to do this level of stalking, he’s smart enough to get a job.

Just the type of journalism I’ve come to expect from the guardian. A group shoe from the first sentence. I could not stop listening until I binged every episode. This made me actually forget about my depression for the afternoon! Lol.

Since episode 4, all I can think about is does no one realize that prisoners have access to the internet? Also, Matthew’s mother is biased and blinded by her love for her son. She enabled him for the decade he stalked these people by coddling him and paying his bills. Donna, it isn’t that things “happen” in life; your son made them happen. Continuously. Many people have experienced trauma, and we don’t go around sharing the pain. Trauma doesn’t give license to cause others harm. It’s irresponsible to perpetuate the idea that people on the spectrum don’t know right from wrong and can’t learn from their choices.

it doesn't seem well researched and in control of the narrative it's promoting-- rather the host gives a lot of unstructured air time to the speakers, some of which are promoting problematic ideas. rather than provide context and information to combat some of these ideas, its just come across as the host throwing a myriad of ideas out there and giving them all equal weight. interesting subject, wish it was more rigorously edited and researched.

This podcast is an incredible example of brilliant journalism. A difficult story with a lot nuance is told with care and without the need for sensationalism. Sirin Kale is not only a beguiling narrator, her incredibly challenging interview with the mum is handled phenomenally well. Compassionate, empathetic but also probing and digging deep to the crux of the issues . She deserves an award for that interview alone. Ultimately the podcast makes me feel horribly sad for all the victims. I hope in future thise with the power to help react faster to complaints of stalking. A really essential listen.

Victim blaming is never okay. I get his mother has had to endure her own trauma and I understand the spectrum of Autism to some degree. At the end of the day her son caused harm to people who deserved to be able to live their lives without harassment. Being online doesn’t exclude you from being treated with respect. Whether he understood fully how his behavior affected his victims or not doesn’t change this either. At some point accountability has to be taken. I think proper treatment is necessary but unfortunately prison is often the only other option when it just doesn’t stop or treatment doesn’t help.

this as a public service podcast for stalking victims. Perp should have never been allowed a connection to the internet from first arrest forward

This was excellent. Very grateful

I’m glad to to see attention being called to this issue. I’m a victim of cyberstalking myself, and I thought they did a great job letting the victims’ voices be heard. It was interesting to hear the motivations behind why the stalker did it as well. Overall, it’s well worth the listen, you can really gain an insight into the mind of the victims and the perpetrator. I highly recommend it, anyone who’s experienced stalking can surely relate.

A pretty interesting story and the reporting quality is amazing.

What sets this apart is the lack of filler. The reporting is thorough but never extraneous. Very interesting and well worth listening to.

Utterly intense and revealing. A wonderful account of innocent victims and their struggles

The first three episodes are interesting --though also exhausting-- but I kept listening to make sure the culprit eventually gets arrested. But 3 long episodes would have been enough. Once you get to the latter episodes the reporter is practically pulling strangers off the street for interviews; she should have quit while she was ahead.

I’m just horrified by listening to what these women went through because of this creep. One of the best investigative podcast I’ve listened to in a while.

An incredible story and so well told with lots of details and perspectives. Highly recommended!

A story that could have been told in 20mins about a bloke who pretended to be other people online for no apparent reason or gain. No twists or turns, no wow moments, no uncovering evidence, no evidence of extortion or anything else. Barely a story, eeked out over six boring episodes. Gets 2 stars because the production quality is of course excellent as it’s produced by The Guardian.